After last night, I could never be a politician.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
