I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
