yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
