it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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