mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
