I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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