What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
