he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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