Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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