i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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