i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize