I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
