Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
