ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
