Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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