please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm too high and old for this...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
