All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
