I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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