I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
