maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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