don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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