her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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