im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
