drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We left the knife in your bed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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