you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
