I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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