Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
