My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
