shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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