No stitches, just platelets and will power
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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