My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
