You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
