My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
