well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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