So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
