Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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