Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
