My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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