good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
