No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
