I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
