I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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