I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
