at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
