I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize