I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
