Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
