i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When are your genitals available?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
