On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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