a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish my penis had an off switch
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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