happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
try to milk me bitch
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