You made me cry and you don't even care
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize