No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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