I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
