Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can text with my tongue
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
