he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
