There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
be right there i have to get my cape
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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