Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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