u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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