i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
