i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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