is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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