if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
