Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
