dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
