it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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