he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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