The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize