I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
