Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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