honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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