i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
