Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
