We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
