Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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