im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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