Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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