I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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