I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
