spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
