i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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