I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
