i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize