just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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