I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
